80. Suicide

        Alex stared at the belt in his hand. Did he really want to do this? He stared out of the door that was opened ajar. Beyond and L were discussing something about a case that L had assigned to Beyond. From what Alex heard, that case was originally supposed to be his, but thinking that he wasn't good enough, L gave it to Beyond. It was highly unlikely to Alex that that was true, but he had already felt that he had been letting L down for five years now. This has gone long enough; it was time to end this.
        But something stopped him from hanging himself right then. Would he go without a goodbye? Alex shook his head and opened a drawer. He took out a notebook and a ballpoint pen. Hurridly ripping out one of the pages, Alex wrote a quick letter for Beyond and L. He read and re-read it five times. Was he missing something? He was about to read it once more, but the urge to end his life took over. He folded the paper neatly and put it on the table next to him. From under his bed, he pulled out a footstool and climbed on it, making preparations with the belt. I'm sorry, L, he thought as he tightly adjusted one end of the belt to the cieling fan. I'm so sorry. To you, Beyond, Wammy's. I'm sorry.



       A pang of relization struck Beyond. He pushed his chair back and ran upstairs to Alex's room. Why hadn't he relized it sooner? It's because he had refused to look at Alex's lifespan, that's why. Once he got there, he tried to open the door. It was locked. Beyond banged on the door. " Alex!" he yelled. " Alex! Open this damn door!" There was no response. " Alex!" he yelled again. He pounded on the door as hard as he could. Still no response. Frustrated, Beyond got out a hair pin from his pocket and started to pick the lock of the door with trembling hands. When he was finally able to unlock it, he kicked the door open.
        He stopped in his tracks when he was inside. There was Alex, feet a few inches off the floor. He was dead. On the cieling fan, there was on end of a belt tied onto it, and the other wrung around Alex's neck. Beyond fell to his knees. " Alex..." he whispered. Out of the corner of his eye, Beyond spotted a note. He slowly got up and walked over to it. Picking it up carefully, as though it would desintigrate at his touch, Beyond read the letter. It was adressed to him and L. " By the time you read this, I'll be dead," it read. " I'm sorry that I did this. I know that you guys might have wanted me to stay a little longer, but I couldn't take it anymore. You guys are better off without me anyways."
        Beyond gaze stopped at the last sentence. " And L, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to live up to your expectations; I hope that I won't be of a burden to you now." A burden. That's what Alex thought he was. A burden. To L.
        L.
        If L didn't pressure Alex so much, this might not have happened. It was all his fault that Alex had done this to himself. He heard a gasp from behind him, but didn't turn around. " Alex..." It was him. L turned to B. " Why did he do this?" L demanded. Beyond's grip tightened on the note. " You should know, L," he whispered bitterly. L looked him, baffled. " How the hell would I know, B?" he asked. Beyond turned around. " This," he said, pointing to the corpse that hung behind him, " was caused by you."
         Footsteps were heard as Roger and Watari made their way to the room. " What on Earth happened here?!" Roger yelled, Watari too shocked to say anything. " It's your fault," Beyond continued, eyes glowing with hatred. L shook his head. " What could I have possibly done?" L asked. Beyond resisted the urge to punch him. " Alex...you preasured him. He was your successor, and instead of encouraging and helping him, you've done the exact opposite," he replied. L stared into Beyond's eyes. " B, you know that's not tr--"
         " Not true?!" Beyond yelled. " How could it not be?! Alex wanted to be like you, L! What the hell did you do?! Why did you do this?!" Roger hurried over to them and tried to haul Beyond out of the room. " I can't believe you, L!" he continued, struggling in Roger's grip. " I thought you cared about him! I thought you cared about the both of us! Are we nothing but sucessors to you?! Can you not treat us like a regualar human being?! You know, if you were never born, nobody would have to succeed you! Nobody would have haved to die because of you! It's all your damn fault!"
          " That enough, Beyond!" Roger told him. He was on the other side of the threashold, trying to pull Beyond out. But Beyond insisted to continue. " How could you?! How could you do such a thing, you murderer?! I fucking hate you!" Beyond was now out of the room, Roger still restraining him. Before Roger closed the door, Beyond said in a hateful tone, staring straight into L's eyes, "I sware, L. Lawliet, I'll make you pay for this even if I have to kill myself. Even if we must share the same faith in death; die the same, painful way. You will die feeling what Alex had felt: betrayal. Death by the person you thought would always be there for you. Death by the person you thought was your friend. I can promise you that, L."
          Finally, Roger was able to slam the door closed. L stood there, stunned. Watari put an ecouraging hand on L's shoulder after taking Alex's corpse down and laying it peacefully on the bed. It looked as if he could have been sleeping, if only he weren't so pale with those marks on his necks. " L, I think we should leave," he advised. L still stared at the door. " Watari..." he whispered. " Is Beyond right? Have I really led Alex to his death...?" Watari shook his head. " Of course not, L," he said. " Beyond is stressed and shocked. He was just looking for someone to blame."
         L nodded slowly and started to stare at the floor. " Watari...I can't help but think that....that Beyond is right...." he whispered, letting the tears he had been holding back go. " L, he's not," Watari said sternly. " I don't want you ever thinking that you were the cause of death for anyone, do you understand?" L nodded once more and wiped his tears on his shirt sleeve. " Yes...alright. Do you think you could have someone arrange a funeral for Alex...?" L asked softly. " Of course," Watari said. " Come now, L. We should get going."